Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
