..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
