Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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