I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
