Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
