I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
