If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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