i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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