I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
