bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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