You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
