So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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