sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
