I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
