another moral hangover. fuck.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
