I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
