She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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