i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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