wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
