I look better un-naked...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she looked like the before picture.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
