Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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