her vagine was all disorganized.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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