I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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