Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How does one acquire holy water?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
