did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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