And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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