Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
