I accidentally burped into my bong.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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