I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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