He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
