yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
