Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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