True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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