Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
