Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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