I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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