I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.