I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me