I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.