Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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