Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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