WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
