I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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