My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
