I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize