Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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