What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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