her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
