I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
