he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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