we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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