Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
