hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
