Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
