On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
