I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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