I'm going to jail i love you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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