I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is Oprah even human
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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