I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
