I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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