I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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