You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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