Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
