The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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