Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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