You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
