you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
