Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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