i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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